Failure to launch

No, I'm not gonna talk about the movie.

The title refers to ME. Yes, Me, myself.

I should have (and plan to) graduate this August. But because of my BAD scores on Psychodiagnostic of Children. I won't be graduate on August. Unless my lectuer gives me an extra task, which is will be unfair to my friends.

Actually, i could be graduated on August, IF the passing grades weren't changing! I don't understand with the system in my campus. It changes just like that, on the middle of the term. What the fuck??? Come on! You can't just change the passing grades!! (Well, they can, because they're the authority).

So now, yes, I failed. Maybe some of you were questioning, "so what if you don't graduate this August? You still have another 2 years". I know that i still have extra 2 years. But i don't have skills to be proud of. I'm not like my brother or sister or my friends. The only thing that i could do to make my mother and family proud of me is i graduate on my 4th year.

Besides, i can't be a burden to my mother. She's 60 for godsake! She should be retired and enjoy her life! But no, she's still working, for what? For completing my needs (with a help from my brother and sister of course). I mean if i graduated on August, i could find a job, and at least with my brother and sister, help her with the households needs. But now, I can't do that. I have to wait for another 6 months until i can help her. Thanks to my lousy brain!

*maybe i can find part time job or something like that*

Sorry for my bad english.. :)

+alitta+

a Tribute to My Father

Teringat masa kecilku
Kau peluk dan kau manja
Indahnya saat itu
Buatku melambung
Disisimu terngiang
Hangat nafas segar harum tubuhmu
Kau tuturkan segala mimpi-mimpi
Serta harapanmu

Kau ingin ku menjadi
Yang terbaik bagimu
Patuhi perintahmu
Jauhkan godaan
Yang mungkin kulakukan
Dalam waktuku beranjak dewasa
Jangan sampai membuatku
Terbelenggu jatuh dan terinjak

Reff :
Tuhan tolonglah sampaikan
Sejuta sayangku untuknya
Ku terus berjanji
Tak kan khianati pintanya
Ayah dengarlah betapa sesungguhnya
Ku mencintaimu
Kan ku buktikan ku mampu penuhi maumu

Andaikan detik itu
Kan bergulir kembali
Kurindukan suasana
Basuh jiwaku
Membahagiakan aku
Yang haus akan kasih dan sayangmu
Tuk wujudkan segala sesuatu
Yang pernah terlewati

+ADA band feat. Gita Gutawa+

I miss my Dad..

Tadi pulang dari CITOS, gue naik taksi. Supir taksinya bapak-bapak gitu. Terus di dashboardnya, di deket speedometernya ada foto anak kecil. Kayaknya itu anaknya deh. Gue ga nanya juga sih.. Hehehe. Terus gue mikir, kalo bokap masih ada, mungkin bokap sama nyokap gue yang bakal jemput gue. Yah tapi udah lewatlah ya. I have to accept it no matter what.

Salah ga sih kalo gue terkadang suka iri sama temen-temen gue yang masih bisa pergi bareng sama bokap nyokapnya, ada yang pas nikah, pas siraman, didampingin sama bokap nyokapnya? I'm happy for them. For real. I was just like, gue lebih ke mikir aja sih (berandai-andai). Kalo bokap gue masih ada, mungkin gini, gitu, gini, gitu. Gue sadar kalo bokap gue meninggal itu udah yang terbaik, daripada dia sakit, malah jadi menderita. Tapi terkadang gue suka marah sendiri sama (maaf ya Allah.. Ampuni hambamu ini) Tuhan. Tuhan bisa aja kan nyembuhin bokap gue? Buktinya banyak orang yang udah sekarat, koma, tapi bangun lagi, sehat lagi. I was very angry that time (sampe saat ini sih sebetulnya..). Gue masih suka berpikir kalo Tuhan tuh kadang-kadang bisa ga fair ya sama kita. Yang baik, malah dipanggil duluan, sedangkan yang jahat-jahat, sampah masyarakat, dibiarin hidup. My dad was a hard worker and a kind person! the kindest person i've ever met! and he died. While those thieves out there, they're alive and enjoying their stolen money and everything!

Tapi ya setelah gue pikir-pikir lagi, Allah manggil bokap gue karena dia sayang sama bokap gue. Bokap gue terlalu baik, terlalu sabar, untuk tetap ada di dunia. But i miss him. I miss his laughter, i miss his funny-not funny jokes, i miss everything about him! If i was given one wish, i would like to wish for him to come back.

I love you pah.. Where ever you are.. Big hugs and kisses.

P.S. for all of you, Love your parents with all your heart. Do all the good things for them. Say thanks to them for everything that they've done to you. And oh, i envy you in a positive way i mean.. i envy that you still can do all the good things for your dad/parents. Be Happy!

Weeping Willow

I want to sleep

underneath the weeping willow

as it cries all night quitely

It's tears all around me

I'll sleep there so soundly

until im allowed finaly

To wake and be happy again

To wake and be happy again.

+Granddady,underneath the weeping willow+

Have you ever seen Weeping Willow? The real one, not only on the TV.. Maybe some of you have already seen it.. I'm seeing it right now.. My mum planted it on the front yard near my room's window.. I've falling in love with that tree since i watched Pocahontas.

For me, Weeping Willow is the symbol of wisdom, peace, and love. It's a huge tree, but it doesn't look arogant, it's a huge tree, it covers us from the sun, it covers us from rain, it gives us some fresh breeze, it cries with us when we cry. Whenever i see it, i feel something peacefull, calm, carring, wise, and everything.

I want to be like a Weeping Willow for everyone that i love. I want to be a place for them to share their problems, I want to be a place for them to share their feelings, I want to be a place for them to feel some peace, cheer with them, and cry with them.

What a day..

Actually, there's nothing bad about today.. Meeting with PoPS went ok.. Meeting with GANDEWA was ok too.. Actually, today was fun. I just.. I don't know.. Suddenly I felt so sick and tired with all my routines. Campus, study, chit chat with friends, back home, sit in front of my laptop, browsing, sleep, and it goes like that.. Everyday.

My friends are ok.. They're the most fun people.. Maybe i'm already bored with all of these things.. I'm bored with campus, i'm bored with sitting in front of my laptop and browsing. My life is controlled by Internet! Gosh.. I really miss the time when i could play outside, going somewhere with friends, just for window shopping.

I need some times to be with nobody but myself. Just one day.. But, until now, i don't get any chance.. Maybe next week.. :)

Btw, i just realized that my english is very bad.. I've been translating a verbatim of an interview since days ago and until now, it's not done yet. I found out that it's soo damn hard! i need to practice more.. :p

My first post on my (3rd) new blog.. :D

Hehehee..... Ngitung dulu ahh... udah brapa kali ya gue ganti blog?? Blog ini kalo ga salah udah blog ketiga deh... And i do hope this is the last one.. Alasan gue ganti-ganti blog adalah.. Gue lupa password! hahaha... kata temen-temen gue.. "Makanya.. bikin password satu aja untuk semuanya!" makanya gue memutuskan ini blog gue yang ga akan gue lupakan passwordnya karena udah dipake untuk 3 account.. :D

Yaps.. take a look and make a comment.. :D